Overcoming Trauma Bonding

Emotional attachments known as trauma bonds form as a result of a recurring cycle of abuse, devaluation, and positive reinforcement. Abuse mixed with sympathy and connection can elicit strong, difficult-to-understand emotions. If someone is kind to you, you are more likely to get along with them. Many abusive relationships start with delicate gestures and declarations of love.

Leaving an abusive relationship usually necessitates more effort than simply walking out the door. Particularly if there are concerns about moving to a new area, providing for oneself, or being unable to see one's children or loved ones, one may feel emotionally connected to their spouse and powerless to leave them.

People who have never experienced violence may find it difficult to understand why some people remain in abusive relationships. These people may believe you have the ability to leave, but trauma bonds make this extremely difficult. People usually do not choose maltreatment because some biological mechanisms are to blame for the development of trauma attachments. People who were abused as children are frequently drawn to adult relationships with such characteristics because the brain is already aware of the cycle's highs and lows. It may be more difficult to break those bonds if one has a history of trauma.

When abuse is unexpected, the partner may beg forgiveness, promise to change, or attempt to justify their behavior. Manipulative techniques work because the other partner remembers the beginning of the relationship and believes they can be that person again. Trauma bonding is common in romantic relationships. It can happen to a captive and a kidnapper, a cult leader and followers, or a child and a violent adult or caregiver. Depending on the type of relationship, trauma bonds can take on a variety of forms. However, they frequently share two key characteristics: cyclical nature, or an abuse cycle, and a power imbalance.

The good news is that in this situation, anyone can use a variety of advice-giving strategies. The first step is to recognize what you're dealing with, that such a bond exists, find evidence of abuse, and recognize signs of trauma bonding, which may include: an abuse victim who hides the abuser's behavior from others; an abuse victim who lies about the abuse to friends or family; an abuse victim who doesn't feel at ease or able to talk about the abuse; and an abuse victim who doesn't feel they can or should confront the abuser.

The main point is that no one can ever be held responsible for abuse or the formation of a trauma bond. Although it may take some time to rebuild self-esteem, professional assistance can be very beneficial.